Look again. Outward glimpses lie. Look closely and you’ll see a heart that’s barely beating, a mind that won’t stop racing, emotions that rage savagely, doubts that clamor to overtake all and a faint hope that grows weaker by the day. Every morning is another crushing blow; every swollen belly a hit to mine; every baby a cutting reminder. Such depression I’ve never experienced—such intense anger I’ve never felt. Such pain … I can hardly breathe.
Silently I grieve, quietly I fret. My resolve evaporates more each day. My heart slows, hope wanes, memories fade, dreams die. Innocence gone, never again to be found. Overwhelming excitement will now be debilitating fear.
Originally written March 9, 2007
Re-posted in honor of grieving friends and my own continued emotionally taxing journey.