Behind the Smile

warning: brutal honesty below. read @ own risk.

I just can’t do it anymore.

If one more pregnant woman complains about her morning sickness, I am going to scream.

If one more pregnant lady makes a face about the pooch on her belly, I am going to punch a wall.

If one more stupid person says, “At least you know you can get pregnant!”, I am going to run away.

After screaming at and punching said stupid person.

If the knot in my stomach doesn’t unwind and the pain in my heart doesn’t lessen, I am going to die.

telling me to trust.
Stop telling me to hope.
Stop telling me I’m young.
Stop telling me there’s a plan.

Just Stop.

If you don’t know what to say, just leave me to my grief. Just shut up and leave me alone. Don’t look at me with pity, but don’t ignore me either.

Basically, you can’t do anything right, so just stop. And be prepared for me to bite your head off anyway.

Or cry. Or scream.

Punch a wall and run away.

About kristinlindeen

I am Kristin. I am Erik's wife. I am Joshua, Rebecca, and Andrew's mom. I am known nationally as the "QBQ! Daughter" and keynote on Personal Accountability and the QBQ. I am certified in Myers Briggs and am passionate about helping people understand themselves and others better. I am John and Karen's daughter. I am sister to many, mentor to some, friend to others. Most defining, I am Christ's daughter, adopted by God--rescued and saved by grace. And almost every single day, I need to be reminded of that truth. Come say "hi" at and of course, browse the blog! I'd love to hear from you, so comment away!
This entry was posted in On Being Pregnant, On Miscarrying. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Behind the Smile

  1. Pingback: Marked with Infertility | The Making of a Mother

  2. Sheryl says:

    When I read this I thought-“This is exactly what my daughter has been saying for the last two years.” It’s amazing how clueless people can be about the pain of losing a child, or not being able to have one. Hopefully,it has taught me how to be more sensitive to their feelings. I am praying that God will comfort you in the way that you need it.

  3. Amber Lianne says:

    Oh love… My heart is right with you. I will keep you in my heart. It is so frustrating when people say things like that. People who wine or complain about things you desperately long for and want. You are loved. You are in my prayers. God help us all, why must we wait in agony for that which seems a “normal” blessing to so many others. I do not know the answer, but I search for it, too. Let me know if you find it. 🙂

  4. karen says:

    It sucks. I’m sorry. There is no greater plan. It is what it is. God is your ally. I love you.

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