Week 19: What the … ?!

Something happened this week that I didn’t expect, never saw coming and threw me for a loop:

I grieved having a girl.

What the … ?!

We all know I wanted a boy. I was quite sure a son was what I was supposed to have. Most agreed with me, some hoped for pink instead of blue, but everyone was aware that I was betting on a little Bubba boy.

When the ultrasound technician said, “Boy”, I felt first relief, then incredible shock, then more relief, then unsurpassed joy! It was so much fun to look over at Erik through the tears in my eyes and see the proud swelling of his chest as he took in the news. What a wonderful moment!

But then, throughout the rest of the day and a couple days to follow, it started to register. I’d see pink and think, “No, can’t buy that.” or I’d hold my friend’s precious girl and wonder, “Are baby boys this soft too?” I saw my Kirsten doll and her accessories in the nursery and realized, “Wow, ok, I have to put those somewhere else” …

And then I started to think, uh oh–girl stuff I can deal with. Girl “crap” I know–snobby attitude, body image, mean girls, equally mean boys, bras and lack of bras, fights with friends and uncomfortable stockings. But boys? I can’t do boys! I don’t know boys! I’ve never understood boys and can’t seem to crack the code!

I shed tears over this!

What if my boy gets in fights? What if my boy is “wimpy” and gets picked on? What if my boy starts the fights? What if my son is a bully? What if my son is tempted with porn? What if my boy gets rejected by a girl? What if my son struggles with homosexuality? (for some reason, this is more of a worry for me with a son than a daughter. Haven’t figured that one out yet…) What if my son goes to war? I don’t know how to do any of this!

I shed more tears over this, and shared with Erik. He is such a good husband. He just tried not to laugh at my hysteria, took me in his arms and said, “Babe, that’s why I’m the Daddy. That’s why there are two of us. That’s why Bubba has a Mom and a Dad.”

Oh yeah … I knew that!

So, week 19–we found out Bubba’s a boy, I freaked just a little, I realized I really do still want a girl, but I also realized, just like I thought, I’m super pumped to have a little boy. I can’t wait to have a little guy running all over, getting into everything and making my life crazy! (Cora, you are still allowed to quote me in three years when I’m in hysterics over the state of my house!) Week 19, I feel Bubba kick constantly, he has even evoked little yelps of surprise from me, I’m popping out enough for people to comment that I “finally look pregnant!” and my Mom got to feel Bubba move too! Phew! What a week!

I am having a son. I am going to be, and already am, “Joshua’s Mom”–I can’t wait to see how this changes my life!

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About kristinlindeen

I am Kristin. I am Erik's wife. I am Joshua, Rebecca, and Andrew's mom. I am known nationally as the "QBQ! Daughter" and keynote on Personal Accountability and the QBQ. I am certified in Myers Briggs and am passionate about helping people understand themselves and others better. I am John and Karen's daughter. I am sister to many, mentor to some, friend to others. Most defining, I am Christ's daughter, adopted by God--rescued and saved by grace. And almost every single day, I need to be reminded of that truth. Come say "hi" at www.QBQ.com and of course, browse the blog! I'd love to hear from you, so comment away!
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8 Responses to Week 19: What the … ?!

  1. Jen says:

    Boys are fun! I still worry about how to handle the teenage years–but we'll survive it somehow! I go back and forth about wanting a girl someday or being happy with just boys. And my G'pa addresses his letters to me as "Ethan and Grant's mom"

  2. Awww…it's a BOY, LOVE it! YAY, now I can go shopping for your shower! You and Eric will do amazing, God is your rock, how could you go wrong?! 🙂

  3. Grammie says:

    I am tearing up back here, too, Kristin! You will be an amazing Mom to our grandson, Joshua…and Erik will be an awesome Daddy! You are already working "together" as his parents, working out your fears and joys and feelings, and that makes you the BEST parents already! A son will shower you with love and adoration and will always be the 2nd most important man in your life, after Erik! Love you and can't wait for you to come in less than 2 weeks!!!

  4. Emily says:

    Oh my goodness, every single fear you have about boys is the SAME I have, and my sisters, and everyone else I know who has boys! Hey, we are all in this together! We will all be going through some of that crud, one way or another most likely……but we won't be alone:). Boys are tons of fun, really!

  5. Nick + Amber says:

    I assume Joshua is his name? As you probably know, it means "God is salvation" and I pray He will come to know God as his salvation!

  6. I know it seems weird to think about boys when you really don't know much about them. I was the same way! But the minute they put that baby boy in your arms you are going to fall in love with boys! I can attest that there is for sure a bit of "pink grief" that goes around but the joy and love you will find with your son will be amazing! And don't worry about teen years yet, the good news is they don't come out as teenagers because we would never reproduce if that was the case!Oh, and of course baby boys are as soft (if not softer)!!!!

  7. jerarbw says:

    Aw – is Joshua the name you picked? I like it!:o) Amanda

  8. Ok. Make me cry. This was awesome. I think my favorite post so far. Keep em' coming! Love you! (and son's are so wonderful… oh, and I STILL have all those "thoughts & worries"!) 😉 Can't wait to meet baby Joshua…

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