Life is a little bit of a blur lately. I remember the beginning of August … but I’m not quite sure when and how it became August 25th. I remember saying that I wanted August to be over … and here it is almost over and I’m not sure how I feel about that!
I’m excited to move and start this adventure–an adventure we’ve been talking about and planning for since April.
I’m scared silly to do every day life without our amazing support network of family and friends.
I’m anticipating the joy of discovering a new life and new friendships.
I’m nervous for the meltdown that I know will come once I’ve used up all the adrenaline from moving.
I’m counting on the growth that will be forced upon me in new situations and life experiences.
I’m grieving the inevitable fade of friendships and loss of connection–Facebook is incredible, but there’s nothing like a real live squishy human hug.
I’m in awe of how quickly this has happened … and shocked at how slow these months have seemed.
Awareness and articulation–these are two words that have stuck out to me lately. I, increasingly every day, become aware of my feelings, emotions (and hormones I’m sure!) that are swirling around inside of me. And after a bit of processing, it becomes very essential that I be allowed to articulate these feelings and emotions, without fear of rejection, bad consequences, and/or toooooo much sympathy and pity. Aware, articulate, move on. (and sometimes revisit!) That’s been my process lately. So, if you run into me, and I randomly blab some form of articulation about how I’m feeling–I’m sorry! If it sounds for a minute like I’m crabby about this move–I’m not! I’m just in the process of processing. The journey of awareness and articulation. It’s a rollercoaster, that’s for sure.
But let’s be very clear about one thing: I am choosing this. Choosing this because God has called us to it, and I choose to be in His will. Because as much as I’d love to be near family, as much as I’d love to stay with friends, as much as I love my view of the mountains …. His place for me is far better than my place for me. So do not be confused. I am not angry, I am not kicking and screaming, I am not fighting. I’m just aware, and articulating. 🙂