I’m unnecessarily impatient.
Only 5 days past my 38th week, and I’m aimless, lethargic, and wondering why she hasn’t come yet. Silly me–expecting her to be as early as her brother!
So, today, I decided to make the best of it, which meant giving myself the freedom to do absolutely anything Joshua wanted to do. No “No, honey, not now.” or “Later baby, Mommy’s busy!” Just a lot of “Sure!” “Good idea!” “Oh, you want another buckets of toys? Why not!”
Because I know that any day now (or next week or the next …) I won’t be at liberty to do this anymore. There will be another little human being who actually needs me more urgently than Joshua, and he and I will have to learn to be more separate. So today, I’m soaking up my Joshua time. And boy or boy, does that kid know how to play!
There’s truly nothing like taking a moment to relax on the couch and simply listen to the unintelligible language of your two year old as he plays with “rawrs” “people” and “tractors”.
When he dribbled black water on the floor, all I could do was give him high five for making it to the sink without completely spilling and thank him for cleaning up his paint project. When he got in the way of my shot of the black water, all I could do was giggle at the awesome picture I captured of a two year old’s delight. That face just screams, “My Mommy is present with me, and playing, and I think it’s a BLAST to get in the lens of her camera!”
And what better way to end our time than this: I was putting my tired puffy feet up on the couch and enjoying the sounds of Joshua playing with his Tonka cars. His level of exuberance matched my level of fatigue. Funny how that works! All of the sudden he quieted, and I heard him say his name for his baby sister. He then appeared at my side with his baby doll (named after his sister) and said very clear, “Cuddle deez Mama?”
Yes, Baby, we can cuddle. Today is do-whatever-you-want day. And Mommy sure loves to take time to cuddle!
As he rested his head on my shoulder, he very adamantly placed baby on my other shoulder and indicated I should hug her. He then proceeded to share his raisins and Cheerios with his baby sister, while he actual baby sister pelted him with strong kicks from inside of me. We talked about life, and how we’re going to make a birthday cake for the baby.
Today has been a good day. The house is not clean, the hospital bag is still only partially packed. I have unanswered emails, unwashed dishes, and a dozen little tasks I could be doing instead. But time with my Joshua is fleeting–and I truly don’t know how much of this special one-on-one with my Little Buddy I have left. So for now he naps, and I’ll rest too. Cuz once he’s up and at ’em again, who knows what we’ll do!
What has motherhood taught me in 2 1/2 years? The moments are miraculous, but we have to have to have to make time for them. And so today, I did. Because I could!