Every boy needs his mama. No one else can take that place. Especially when a little guy is just two years old (almost “thfree”, but still really just two) and is only recently really starting to talk.
I’ve been trying really hard lately to not steam roll my son, but instead pause, kneel down, and really figure out what he’s feeling. Like today, he didn’t want to go to daycare. Which is abnormal. Normally he fairly happily gets in the car and blows me kisses as he rides away for 6 hours to play at Ms. Shawn’s house. But today, he screamed, ran to his room, and slammed the door.
I found him curled up, face down on his bed.
I could have gone in, sighed heavily, said, “Come on Joshua, it’s time to go now. You like Ms. Shawn, you always have fun, I’ll be here when you get back.” etc. I could have still been patient. I could have still included something like, “I’m sorry you’re sad.”
Instead, I paused. I sat down. I said, “Joshua, you seem sad. Can you tell me why?”
And I waited. And lo and behold, the kiddo–in his own language of course–started to tell me why he was sad. Basically, he wanted to stay home with mama and play. 🙂
My boy needs his mama. He loves me, and I him.
Since I only have a 2 1/2 year old son, I can only speak to why a 2 1/2 year old son needs his mama. Only 2 1/2 years into motherhood, but this mama knows this for sure. A son needs a mama:
To be silly. This is a very important reason. No one can be silly like a mama. I believe this is because no one can be stern/the boss/in charge/no nonsense like a mama. So the silliness is just, well, that much sillier!
To interpret. Erik is with Joshua just about as much as I am. Probably even a little more lately, since Becca was born. And yet, there’s just times that only a mama can figure out what a little guy is sayin’. And that’s a special skill.
To answer truthfully. I believe in honesty. So when Joshua’s fishy died, I was honest about it. When he asks a question, I answer. Even if the answer is sad, or hard to explain. He needs to trust me, and telling the truth (with an appropriate filter) is part of teaching him to trust me.
To let go. Yes, already. I can’t believe. But already, Joshua needs me to let go. I have to let him try and fail. I’m close by, but not too close. I’m quick to help, but not too quick. I’m ready to rescue, but not too ready. Already, my little-guy-learning-to-be-a-man desperately needs his mama to let go.
To allow feelings. It is so important for me to make space for Joshua’s feelings. It’s okay to feel, and guess where we learn that? From our parents, taking the time to let us feel. And far to often, we adults don’t have time for feelings. Especially the irrational, unexplainable ones of two year olds. So, I often find myself hugging my sensitive son saying, “It’s okay to be sad. Mama’s still going to leave, and you’ll be sad, but that’s okay.” Allow the feelings. It’s really okay to feel.
Dying to self. This is motherhood. My boy needs me to take my time table, my desires, my dreams, and set them aside. Oh, it can’t all be about him. For for certain chunks of time a day, it needs to be. Often times, my little guy just needs me. He doesn’t care that I’m still in my sweats, that the window decals are from the last holiday season, that the bathrooms are dirty, that the mud room is muddy. He doesn’t care that my website isn’t done, my emails aren’t all answered and my meals aren’t planned. Joshua needs his mama to set those things aside and be fully engaged with him.
The making of a mother … this mother is in process of being made. And there are a gazillion more reasons that my son needs his mama, and a gazillion more things I can do for him. I look forward to experiencing each and every one. If you’d like to share your comments on what a son needs a mama to do, please do!