I am an ISFJ. My husband is an INTJ. I’ve heard it said, that when looking for a mate, one should seek to find someone who shares the same preferences on the middle two letters in the Myers Briggs personality assessment.
Notice our middle letters: “SF” and “NT”.
In fact, just last week, when a friend of mine found out I am certified in Myers Briggs, she intensely asked, “Is it true that if your middle letters are different, you’ll never last in a relationship with that person?” I calmly said, “Well, my husband and I are making it, and our middle letters do not match.”
We are different, my husband and me. Very very different.
While it is helpful that our outside letters (“I” and “J”) are the same, it is amazing how differently we see the world. Look at our “heads” below and notice these words that are opposites:
Thoughtful of others/Systems minded
Erik and I are very very different. But you wanna know what has helped us immensely in our marriage?
Knowing our “type” and being able to appreciate each other’s preferences has made a world of difference for us. I know dozens of other married couples personally who have been affected positively by understanding their own and their mate’s MBTI type.
Because I know there are words like “visionary” “autonomous” “reserved” & “objectively critical” floating around my husband that help define who he is, and he knows there are words around me such as “specific” “sensitive” “loyal” & “concrete“, we have learned to present ideas, approach topics, address conflict & serve each other in ways that we may not naturally like or tend to do.
Knowing type helps you know yourself and others-and this leads to better relationships all around.
For discussion: Do you know your MBTI type? Do you know your significant other’s type? How has this helped (or hindered though hopefully not!) the relationship?