Exactly one year ago, at 9:42pm September 21, 2012, one of the best moments of my life quickly turned into the absolute worst moment in my life.
My baby girl came into this world, and did not breathe.
I remember the feeling of her sliding out after only minutes of pushing.
I remember the doctor placing her on my chest.
I remember struggling to get my arms around her properly–she was so limp.
I remember saying, “Why isn’t she crying? Shouldn’t she be crying?”
I remember Carmen, the nurse who I loved, calmly taking Rebecca from my arms, saying, “Oh, sometimes they just need a little help getting started,” and whisked her away to a side room, out of my sight.
And from there, our nightmare began. If you know the story of Becca Boo, you know the happy ending: God heard our prayers–thousands and thousands of peoples’ prayers–and healed our daughter.
And today is her one year birthday. I’m just a little bit in shock. I can’t believe my little butterfly Boo is a year old! It seems like just yesterday …
Tonight as I read her stories, and stroked her hair, and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, I simply soaked her in. I turned off the light and rocked my baby girl. The little girl who didn’t breath in my arms a year ago tonight, breathed easily and heavily (even snoring a little) as she drifted off into dreamland.
And while I often take time to rock my baby and enjoy her baby-ness, tonight was special.
Tonight she wiggled right into the exact position in my arms that she was in for that brief second right after delivery, before we realized something was wrong. It’s the same position I ended up holding her in for the first time, four days after her birth. Her head cradled near my left shoulder, her body angled down toward my right hip. She’s bigger now, of course, but it struck me, as I kissed her soft blonde hair, that this is exactly how I’d expected to cuddle my girl after she was born. I didn’t get to then–she had to get the help she needed.
But tonight, she breathed well. Tonight she sighed softly, content in her perfect little world. Tonight, because of our good and gracious God, my Rebecca Elizabeth is alive and well–and absolutely perfect.