It’s a funny thing, life. One minute, you’re put-putting along, thinking you’ve got your life pretty much down pat. At least for this phase, this time, this three year segment ….
The next minute, you feel things slipping here, slipping there and pretty soon …
WHAM BAM BOOM
(That’s God. Switching things up on you. Out of no where.)
If you’ve never experienced this, it’s, well, a clash of emotions. To say the least.
Excitement. Surprise. Exhilaration. Sadness. Shock. Intrigue. Confusion. Curiosity.
It makes the rest of life–you, know, the rest-of-life that doesn’t seem to notice that you’ve been WHAM BAM BOOMed and are reeling and slightly paralyzed and going-through-the-motions just to get through the day–kind of a blur.
You have moments where you snap out of it, you shake your head, and glance around and realize that life has continued to happen. And you’ve enjoyed a good chunk of it! In spite of the WHAM BAM BOOM, your baby girl has still grown like a weed and has successfully become a one year old. Your inquisitive boy has exponentially increased in words and love for you (or at least his verbal expression of his love for you!) In the aftereffects of the WHAM BAM BOOM, life has gone on. At a surprisingly normal pace. You’ve still planned the meals (well, some of them have been planned). You’ve still traveled here and there. You’ve still wiped noses, and kissed boo-boos, and built Legos (oh, the amount of Legos …). You’ve still prayed for friends, shared wisdom, laughed over coffee and cried over wine.
But the thing is, in the midst of it all, you’ve been at this massive yellow light. It’s like someone hung a stoplight in the middle of your life, set it to “yellow”, and then left for an extended vacation.
WHAM BAM BOOM–yellow light. Pause. Wait. Heal. Process.
So. Much. Wondering. So much waiting. So…much…processing.
So here I sit. At the yellow light. There seem to be some flickers. Some flickers of red, some flickers of green. Every once in a while, it’s like the light shows signs of which way it’s going to turn. And in relation to what topics, what option, what opportunity. But it’s still pretty solid yellow. The WHAM BAM BOOM is fading; I’m processing (oh the amount of processing … it’s more than the Legos. Me and my crazy introverted self and my processing … ) I’m beginning to embrace. Beginning to hope. Beginning to open my heart and my mind to the thoughts of *gasp* CHANGE.
I had a feeling. About a year and a half ago, I had an overwhelming sense that we were in for a big year. A sifting time. Little did we know Becca would be born in the manner she was. Little did we know our relationship would be challenged and grow so much in this past year. Little did we know we’d have such a plot change and be at this huge yellow light.
Honestly, I’m glad the light is still yellow. We need it to be yellow a while longer. But I also appreciate those flickers. The flickers that remind me that God didn’t just WHAM BAM BOOM me and then leave me here alone. He knows what’s He’s doing. He wasn’t surprised by the surprise. He isn’t shocked to be here. He isn’t confused, He isn’t wondering. He knows exactly what’s going on, what He’s working on in me, and in others. And THAT truth helps me see through my fog, beyond the yellow light, and have hope for the future. Whatever that future may be.
For now, I’m sure there will be lots more processing. And, of course, lots more Legos. Lots, lots more.