I’ve let the blog lag, lately. I’m well aware, and while it saddens my heart, I just don’t have the space in my life–nor the focus and direction–to pour into this right now. WordPress sent me the usual “would you like to renew?” and I actually considered letting it go. But something in me just refused to disappear. Even if I’m in a quiet phase of life, this blog stands.

It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say. In fact, there’s a whole LOTTA stuff swirling around in my heart and mind, most of it having to do with the abrupt changes in our life recently, and the current unknown state of our future. But I don’t sense any sort of release or “blessing” to blog on any of that yet, so I’m trusting that the Lord is guiding me through a processing, refining, learning, banging-head-on-table time so that in the future I will be a better, more effective wife-mother-pastor’s wife-leader-mentor-speaker woman.

Tonight was the first night in a while that a blog topic rolled through my heart and mind and I didn’t immediately file it under “not yet time to speak on that”. And it’s this:

I need to choose JOY.

This is my theme this year. My mission. My focus. An acquaintance of mine writes a beautiful blog called Finding Joy. I’ve soaked up much of her wisdom, and have loved watching her journey unfold.

What I’ve noticed about myself, is while I can usually find the joy, I don’t often choose the joy.

Do you feel the difference?

Joshua, my mini-me

So this year, as we’ve chosen to intentionally focus on the words “kind” and “joyful” as we work with our three and a half year old son (wow, is he ME or is he ME? That attitude, that eye roll, that frustrated “huff” and exaggerated “sigh” of disgust….My. Goodness. Gracious. What’s it like to parent yourself? Not pretty, I tell you. Not pretty.), I’ve realized that I need to focus on this as well. Why does my son need correction right now, and help being joyful and un-moody? Well, in part, because his mommy has not modeled it for him. Those frustrated sighs, and overly dramatic shows of emotion, and exasperated phrases like “What the heck?” and “This is driving me CRAZY!” are things he has learned directly from me.

Modeling is the most powerful teacher. (My Dad, Parenting the QBQ Way)

And so now, after just a couple of weeks of using the word “joyful” with Joshua, he’s now reminding me. (Which is a whole ‘nother thing to now figure out how to address…)

“Mama, you being kind and joyful?” “Mama, you feeling mad? You being happy now, Mama?” “Mama, you be joyful. Be joyful Mama.”

And so, as it seems to always go, I end up learning what I’m trying to teach to someone else. (Course, my dad has always said, “We tend to teach to others what we need to hear ourselves!”) Joshua and I, we are going to learn to choose JOY this year.

It’s not natural for me. I’m not used to it. It actually HURTS for me to climb out of my funk, force my face to “un-crabby” itself, turn my lips into a smile, and choose to feel and express the JOY that I know to be true in this life.

But I must. I must, because that little boy is watching. And as he always answers …

“Joshua, why are we joyful no matter if we’re cold, or bored, or tired, or mad, or sad? “

“Because God died on ee-cross, and God wubs us.”

Joshua and Rebecca, 3 1/2, 15 m

So he and I, we will learn together. And along with the JOY that comes from knowing and following Christ, how can I not choose JOY when I have these little buggers around me??

Precious girl, so full of joy

And for good measure, here’s my precious Becca Boo. This girl has the gift of JOY. She brings it to everyone she meets.