My mind screamed for a break from the work I was doing, even though I’d finally gotten into a good flow, and probably should have stayed focused.
But that’s how my world is now, right? Unfocused. Scattered. Distracted. Tired. So very, very tired.
And so, against my better judgment, I saved the document I was working on and robotically clicked over to Facebook. As if the monster of social media would hold some sort of new inspiration for me. (more on the addiction of FB later).
But for once, because I’ve slowly chosen to start following more inspirational type people/pages so that the time spent on FB is SLIGHTLY worthwhile, it did.
I saw two quotes back to back. The first:
Whatever you’re facing, GOD IS BIGGER. (Emily of emilyburgerdesigns.com)
I read it and I thought, TRUTH. God IS bigger than my poor eating, my aptitude for lethargy and laziness, my seemingly unbeatable determination to be inconsistent and unable to change. He IS bigger than my child’s sleep habits or lack thereof, my internal turmoil of what to focus on first, my daily feeling of failure as a mother/housemanager/employee/wife. God IS bigger, I thought as I read that post …. but okay so what? He’s bigger but … what? How? I’m so stuck!
I scrolled down and saw the next quote:
God invites us to come as we are, not to stay as we are. -Timothy Keller, founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan
God loves me as I am. BUT He calls me to grow. Change, Surrender. Shed. Release. I’ve been coming as I am. Wait, scratch that–I’ve been STAYING as I am. Where I am. I haven’t even been COMING to Him. I haven’t been moving at all toward my Savior who wants to help me, wants to use me in my full potential. Who wants only good for me, and who DIED to SAVE me from myself and this meaningless life.
In the last few days, I’ve been moving toward Him again. Remembering to pray. Reading the Word. I’ve fallen so out of habit. I’ve let the various shifts in my life recently derail me completely from the good habits I had. So I’m trying. But even then, there’s so much that COULD be improved in my life, I don’t even know where to start. And knowing me, I’d try to tackle it all at once, it wouldn’t go perfectly, so I’d throw up my hands in frustration, make a tray of Rice Krispie Treats, and drown my sorrows in Facebook and Netflix. Anyone with me?!\
I want 2016 to be the year where I look back and say, “2016 was the year!” The year where I ACTUALLY CHANGED. The year where I ACTUALLY MOVED toward HEALTH–spiritually, physically and emotionally. Where I was ACTUALLY ME again.
I haven’t blogged in a very long time. And I’m in no way saying I’m going to start the habit up again. (No need to have one more thing to list in the “I didn’t actually do it” column of life.) But here’s my public declaration. In some way, some how, 361 days from now, I’d like to be able to say “2016 was the year that I ____________.” What that blank is is yet to be determined, I guess. Join with me, and pray with me, as we seek to move TOWARD our Savior and truly CHANGE.