Category Archives: On Being Infertile

The Luxury of an Oops

Ever since I miscarried last week, I’ve had this phrase rolling through my mind: Luxury of an Oops It has occurred to me that having an “oops” pregnancy, while unexpected and kinda stressful, is actually a luxury. At least from … Continue reading

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TED talk: Glad I watched

Three weeks ago, my pastor sent me a link to a TED talk, saying that I might be interested. Today I finally took the time to watch it. He had said he was hooked by 8 minutes in. At two … Continue reading

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Mothers Day is great … for Mothers

It’s weird to be here. Where is here? Mothers Day. I’m a mother–on Mothers Day.  Last year, I was not a mother on Mothers Day, and that made me quite sad. And angry. And bitter. It was not a good … Continue reading

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Quite the Journey Together

A week less than 9 months ago, my good friend and her husband sat with me on my guest bedroom floor. They had just flown in from Minnesota for a visit, and we were catching up. At one point, my … Continue reading

Posted in On Being Infertile, On Learning to HOPE | 3 Comments

Week 32: I Didn’t Plan This

It wasn’t long into college before I realized that I naturally mentor. I naturally teach, guide and counsel. Do I do it well? Well, that’s a whole other topic. But I realized quickly that I am a “developer of people,” … Continue reading

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Week 30: Didn’t, Wasn’t … Did, Am.

For so many months, I didn’t. For so long, I wasn’t. Many months, others did. Many times, others were. And I didn’t, and wasn’t. And yet, here I sit–I did, and I am. I’m the lady breathing heavily while wandering … Continue reading

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Week 27: Did I Just Say That?!

It was during Week 27 that I first had this thought, “I don’t want to be pregnant anymore.” GASP! What?? Did I just have that thought? How DARE I? I even voiced this thought to Erik one night. And I … Continue reading

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Week 26: Finally My Turn

I was cleaning out old documents when I found this. Written March 3, 2008–it’s so weird to hear my voice from the past. These emotions seem so recent, and yet, so long ago. It’s weird how things change so quickly … Continue reading

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Innocence Lost

Pregnancy is an amazing gift. A joyous surprise. A wonderful piece of news to share. But it’s different when you’ve miscarried. There’s hesitancy, a lack of excitement. Doubt rules, and fears overwhelm. Where jumping and screaming should occur, looks of … Continue reading

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I Lied.

Written July 8, 2009 … My devotionals for the past few days have been on Ecclesiastes 3 “A Season for Everything”. Good chapter, good reminders … I kept thinking maybe my season of waiting would end soon. I kept wondering … Continue reading

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